Why Your "Self-Care" Isn’t Working: You’re Drowning in Wounded Energy
I was popping pills in the toilets and ripping bongs at night just to survive a life I hated. On paper, I was a 'successful' law student, I was conventionally attractive, I had my shit together. But in reality, I was a ghost. If your self-care isn't working, it’s because you’re drowning in wounded energy. It’s time to stop the performance and finally glow the fuck up. Here’s how I burned my old life down and built one worth living.
Let’s stop the bullshit for a second.
Stop with the $15 matchas and the "I’m working on myself" candles. It’s embarrassing. You spend your mornings journaling about abundance and your nights stalking your ex’s new girlfriend until your eyes burn. That’s not healing; it's a frantic attempt to put a Band-Aid on a bullet wound.
Back when I was 23, I was a law student. On paper, I was doing the thing. In reality? I was popping pills to get through the day, ripping bongs to survive the night, and stalking women on Instagram who seemed to have the secret to life. I was in and out of psych wards and rehabs, convinced I was fundamentally broken. That this was my life, and there was no escaping it.
I wasn't broken. I was just drowning in Wounded Energy. If you feel stuck, exhausted, and like a fraud in your own life, you need to know that another face mask isn’t going to do a fucking thing. You need to understand why your energy is out of whack.
DO I LOOK LIKE I HAVE MY SHIT TOGETHER HERE (DESPITE THE MIDDLE FINGER LOL)?
Look closer, I had just walked out of rehab and straight back into a law lecture. I was 'successful' on paper and a fucking ghost on the inside.
This is what the Wounded Masculine looks like: performing for a life you don't even want to be awake for.
The Performance of "Success" (The Wounded Masculine)
I studied law and then went on to work in the legal industry, so believe me when I say… I learned how to do. I learned how to grind, how to argue, and how to fit into a box of what a "good, successful human" looks like. This is the Wounded Masculine. It’s that frantic, "push-pull" energy. It’s trying to control every outcome because you don't trust the universe (or yourself, for that matter) to catch you. When you are in this state, you can try to convince yourself that you’re “creating a life” all you like, but you’re not… you’re essentially managing a crisis.
I spent my 20s trying to be "likeable”… I was basically an "anxious attachment" case study on steroids. I thought if I could just perform well enough, or look pretty enough, or be "legal" enough, the void inside me would close… it never fucking did.
QUALITIES OF THE WOUNDED MASCULINE VS THE WOUNDED FEMININE
The Collapse of the Self (The Wounded Feminine)
On the flip side, we have the Wounded Feminine. This isn't the soft, radiant power you see on Pinterest, this is her shadow…
It’s the victim mentality (I knew her well).
It’s the inability to set a boundary because you’re scared of being disposed of.
It’s staying in toxic relationships because "he needs me" or "I can fix him".
I stayed in that loop until June 2022. That’s when my daughter was born. When I looked at her, I realised I wouldn’t want someone like me around her… so, I couldn’t keep bringing that fucked up version of me to the table. I had to cut the cord… on my daughter’s father, on my "friends", and on the version of me that thought popping a pill was the only way to handle a Tuesday.
Why Embodiment is the Only Way Out
You can read all the self-help books in the world, but if you don't get into your body, I’m sorry but nothing changes. For years, I lived entirely in my head, and believe me when I say that my head was one scary fucking neighborhood; no wonder I wanted to escape it with drugs.
Embodiment is the process of finally coming home to yourself. It’s moving from the "anxious stalker" energy into the "securely attached" authority. I know it’s probably difficult to imagine, but when you are embodied in who you are, when you love yourself… you no longer need permission from anybody else to exist. You don't "try" to manifest. You simply are the woman who has the things you want.
THE REALITY CHECK
If any part of my story sounds familiar to you, what I am about to say might hurt your feelings (but then again, if you are in that energy, everything hurts your feelings): You are the one holding the cage door shut. You’re staying in that job you hate, chasing that man who doesn't value you, and numbing yourself with scrolling or substances because it’s easier than the alternative. The alternative is doing the terrifying "Identity Work" required to become a new version of yourself.
I started at rock bottom. I mean actual rock bottom; rehabs, drug overdoses, hospitals, and a complete loss of identity. If I could build a life of secure attachment, feminine radiance, and genuine peace from that mess, you have no excuse.
Stop Healing, Start Being
Stop trying to "fix" yourself. You are not a broken car; you’re a woman who has forgotten who she is, because she’s too busy trying to be liked by everybody around her. I’m sorry, but nobody gives a fuck, at least not in the way you need them to at the moment. It’s time to drop the "good girl" act. It’s time to stop the frantic "doing" and start being.